A bad case of "what if...."

You've said it to yourself many times. It's the phrase we use when we're mentally kicking ourselves for a situation we can't go back and change. What if I just.....? What if she said.....? What if they.....? Some would rationalize their mess up. Others would shrug, casting the blame on their circumstances. Still others roll this question over and over in their minds until they can't remember how they lived before the thought, event, or spoken word which got them in to their current situation. In my mind, it all boils down to one thing: regret. It could be a missed opportunity. It could be a misunderstood sentence. In my case it was an opportunity I should have ignored, but jumped on. I knew I was in the wrong. I walked into it with eyes wide open. Here comes the rationalization....I was trying to put the shattered pieces of my life back together and this was the only glue I thought would work. I'm here to tell you that I wish I hadn't done it. I didn't feel this way immediately after I disregarded all the advice that had been handed to me since I could understand English. I think that's what alarmed me the most. I didn't regret it. I wasn't beating myself up over it. I chalked it up to societal pressures, an inapplicable set of rules, and loneliness. The deed is done however, and I am really hoping I can pick myself up and move on. It was nice to be thought of as beautiful. It was nice to have a man look at me in admiration. It gave me a sense of feminine power- something I'd never felt before. I'm not here to judge anybody. By no means! I'm just saying that I hope others can learn from my mistakes. I shall do my best to make my next post be of a "lighter" persuasion.